Number 1 Douche
by DoctorDarkAngel
Summary: "You want me to, to what?" Derek was sure he'd misheard Scott, he was sure of it. "To cuddle with my mom. On our couch. In front of my dad." Scott said once again while rolling his eyes. "Its really not that complicated, Derek.


"**Number 1 Douche**"

**Pairings**: fake/pretend/implied Derek/Melissa, Derek/Stiles, John/Melissa, Scott/Isaac

**1/1**

"You want me to, to what?" Derek was sure he'd misheard Scott, he was sure of it.

"To cuddle with my mom. On our couch. In front of my dad." Scott said once again while rolling his eyes. "Its really not that complicated, Derek."

Derek was sure he'd have glared at the younger boy if he wasn't currently giving his best impression of a fish.

Scott scowled.

"Listen, my dad is a number one douche. I can't do anything to him, obviously, mom can't because well I mean she could but the Sheriff says he'd rather her not do anything that my dad could maybe use against her late on. I'd rather not ask Allison's dad for um obvious reasons. So that leaves me with you."

"How does that leave you with me?!" Derek practically yelled.

Scott's scowl deepened.

"I have been informed, by more people that I will ever admit to asking, that you are _hot_, so hot that it physically hurts certain people," Scott was going to murder Stiles. _Murder him to death_! "So it only makes sense that you and all your," Scott gestured wildly with his hands at Derek's body. "hotness are the perfect thing to piss my dad off and maybe get him to back off of my mom."

Derek's snapped his mouth shut in surprise.

"He's bothering Melissa?"

"He won't leave either of us alone, dude!" Scott exclaimed. "He's always around, always sticking his nose in where it so does not belong. He's, man he's trying to get Stiles' dad fired from being Sheriff." Scott frowned. "I just, I want him out of our lives and maybe if he thinks mom has a hot, younger boyfriend who could kick his ass three ways from Sunday, he'll get the picture and just leave." Scott slumped back against the wall behind him.

Derek sighed. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he already knew he was going to give in. Melissa was a good woman, she didn't deserve to have her ex-husband skulking around, pretending to care now when he hadn't bothered to care for years. Especially not now when the Sheriff it seemed had finally gotten his head out of his ass and made a move.

"Fine." Derek said, already regretting it when Scott's frown turned immediately into that stupid puppy grin that literally no one could say no to. "When exactly am I supposed to go cuddle with your mother?"

Scott's grin widened.

Derek liked Melissa. Of course he did. Everyone liked Melissa. Melissa was awesome so it only made sense that Derek would want to make sure that Agent McCall got the message loud and clear; he was not wanted.

Which was the reason Derek found himself in his current situation. In the McCall's home. One their couch. Feet kicked up on the coffee table in front of him. Arm slung around the back of the couch, hand resting on Melissa's shoulder. Melissa, who was currently tucked rather nicely into Derek's side, her arms wrapped around Derek's waist, her cheek resting on Derek's chest.

"I understand why John is glaring in our direction, Derek, but why exactly does Stiles look like he wants to kill me?" Melissa mumbled, a smirk tugging at her lips.

Derek sighed. He could feel the beginning of a migraine.

"Because he's a jealous little fu-"

"Derek!" Melissa exclaimed, immediately shutting Derek up. "So you and he are, ahem, together then?" She asked.

Derek could feel the blush as it began to form on his cheeks.

"Finally." Melissa muttered.

"What?" The surprise was obvious in Derek's voice and it made Melissa chuckle.

"Sweetheart, its rather obvious that you're ass over elbows for that boy. And I've known Stiles long enough to know what he looks like when he's in love. Makes sense that he looks like he wants to kill me."

Derek shifted, slumping further down and letting his head rest on the back of the couch.

"So everyone knows then?" Derek asked.

"Oh of course." Melissa's immediate reply made Derek groan.

"The Sheriff is going to shoot me. He's got wolfsbane bullets and he'll use them. I am a dead man." Derek moaned.

"You hush now. John's a good man. And he knows exactly how Stiles feels about you. He's not going to do anything that could hurt Stiles and hurting you would most definitely hurt Stiles."

Derek felt his cheeks heat up again.

"I asked him out, ya know. Don't let him fool you into thinking he made the first move. Stiles was never going to make the first move. Its been a year. I got tired of waiting." Derek admitted, feeling completely comfortable opening up to Melissa.

"Don't worry, sweetie, I think its a Stilinski thing. If I'd waited around on John to finally make the first move, I'd be old and gray before he grew the balls he thought he needed to ask me out." Melissa grinned as Derek laughed.

Across the room, Stiles fought the urge to jump up from his seat on the floor, stalk across the room and literally rip Mrs. McCall out of his boyfriends arms.

"You know if you glare any harder at them they might start to think you aren't okay with this plan, the plan that you helped Scott come up with." John sighed, fighting his own urge to fire off a Derek only special bullet in the other man's direction.

"Pot meet kettle, old man." Stiles mumbled.

"Are they both just going to sit there and glare all night?" Isaac mock whispered as he leaned closer to Scott.

"Knowing them, yeah." Scott replied, fighting the urge to roll his eyes, and possibly lean in closer to Isaac.

No one was actually paying attention to the movie that was currently playing on the tv in front of them. Everyone was too focused on someone else in the room to care what was happening in a film they'd all seen before. No one even noticed when Rafa walked into the room.

"Melissa, I-" Rafa started as he turned the corner into the living room. "I uh, what?"

"Its polite to knock, ya know." Scott muttered, eyes narrowed at his father.

"I have a key, Scott." Rafa defended.

"Yeah, one that you made for yourself!" Scott exclaimed, his eyes flashing red for the briefest of seconds.

"Scott." Melissa said softly and Scott closed his mouth quickly, dropping his eyes to the floor.

"Sorry, Rafa, its sort of a family night tonight. Movies on Friday nights after school and work." Melissa explained as she snuggled further into Derek's embrace.

"Family night. Right." Rafa eyed the occupants of the room. "And the kid you're practically sitting on top of? He's family?"

Melissa stiffened against Derek which in turn caused Derek to growl low in his throat.

"This is pathetic, Melissa, you know that, right? He's a kid! You're twice his age and you're just, you're going to flaunt him in front of our son, these other kids and, and the Sheriff? This, this is why I wanted Scott to come and live with me! This is not appropriate behavior for our son to see! You're ridiculous, Melissa." Rafa ended his rant with narrowed eyes focused on his ex-wife.

You could have heard a pen drop within a five mile radius after Rafa's rant ended.

"Who the hell do you think you are?" Scott screamed as he jumped to his feet and rushed towards his father. "You left us. You! Left us! And then you come back after all this time and expect to be welcomed into our home, into our lives, with open arms? You're delusional! You need to leave! Just leave! No one wants you here! So take your things, give me your key, and leave us the hell alone!"

"Scott, honey..." Melissa's hand on Scott's shoulder caused the younger boy to jerk his head around. "Its okay now. Your dad's going to leave. Tonight. And he won't bother us again. I promise." Melissa assured him.

"You might be able to force me out of the house, Melissa, but you can't make me leave town and quite frankly, I'm not ready to leave my family yet." Rafa rocked back on his heels, his hands in his pockets and a near smile on his face.

"You are not family, Rafa," Melissa bit out. "You haven't been family since the day you walked out on your son! These people, the ones in this room, they are our family! Stiles was there for Scott when you abandoned him! John and I, we were there for each other in the worst times in our lives! Derek is the brother Scott never got and I'm pretty sure Isaac would kill for both of us! They are our family! So you, you need to leave, pack your things and get out now before I have the Sheriff arrest you for trespassing."

Behind Melissa, Derek stood with his arms crossed over his chest, glaring. Beside of him Stiles stood with his hands balled into fists, shaking with anger. John stood behind both boys, ready to forcefully remove Agent McCall if it became necessary. And Isaac stood beside of Scott, his hand clutching Scott's own, their fingers linked together.

"This isn't over, Melissa." Rafa bit out.

"I really, really think it is." Melissa said as she held her hand out, waiting for the other man to hand over his key.

"You can come back for your things tomorrow." Scott said, smirking at his father as he laid the key in his mom's hand. "I'll box it all up and have it waiting for you on the front porch. No need for you to come in."

The sound of the front door slamming closed a few seconds later made everyone in the room cheer. Melissa turned and threw herself into Derek's arms, hugged the younger man for all it was worth.

"He's gone, Derek! He's gone!" Melissa exclaimed.

Derek chuckled and hugged her back.

"And to think, I didn't even have to threaten him so really the cuddling wasn't necessary."

Behind them both John and Stiles grumbled.

"If you don't mind, Derek," John said as he cleared his throat. "I'd like to have my girlfriend back as I'm sure my son would like his boyfriend back."

"Sorry, Mrs. McCall but if you wouldn't mind..." Stiles stepped up to the two of them, smiled at Scott's mom and reached for Derek's hand. "We're just gonna go and uh, go and..."

"Just go, son." John sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "In fact, I will treat everyone to pizza if you'll just leave. Now."

Scott jumped up, whooping in excitement as he snatched the money from the Sheriff's hand with one hand, and Isaac's hand with his other.

"Damn it, Scott, come back here!" Stiles yelled, running after his friends and dragging Derek along after him. "Give me back that money, you ass! He's my dad!"

"Not just yours for long, dude! I give it six months before we're brothers!" Was the last thing their parents heard before the front door slammed again.

Shaking his head, John groaned as he dropped down onto the couch. Melissa followed suit, immediately tucking herself into John's side. She signed in content.

"You're pleased with yourself, I see." John chuckled, his arms tightening around Melissa.

"A bit."

"Says the one whose only job was to get cuddles from Derek, who I am told, is the hottest werewolf in town." John shuddered.

"Stiles?" Melissa laughed.

"Stiles." John said as he rolled his eyes before leaning down and pressing his lips softly against Melissa.

Neither adult noticed as the credits to their movie rolled across the screen.


End file.
